I think its about time we stop bullshitting around and try a little humor to clear the air a little.
It all began because the Jones were unable to have children and as a last resort they had decided to use a proxy father. On the day that the proxy was to arrive Mr. Jones kissed his wife and told her not to worry as the man would be there in a little while and it would all be over soon.
About an 15 minutes later a door to door baby photographer happens to ring the doorbell. Mrs Jones answers the door and is greeted with, “Good morning madame, I am here to….”
Before he could go any further shes nervously says, “Thats OK, there is no need to explain, I have been expecting you, you know.”
The photographer is a little shocked but isn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth and says, “Thats good as I have made a specialty of babies.”
“Thats just what my husband and I had hoped as it is very important to us that everything goes just right. Please come in and have a seat.” She sits him down and then blushingly asks, “Just where do we start?”
“Don’t worry madam, leave everything to me. Just to make sure everything goes OK I try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and maybe a couple on the bed. Heck some have even found the living room floor to be quite good as it allows you to really spread out.”
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it never worked for Malcolm and me.”
Well, to tell you the truth, no-one can really guarantee a good one every time, which is why its best to try different positions, especially as it allows me to shoot from different angles.” He winks and says, “I’m sure you will be pleased with the results.”
Getting really nervous by now, she stammers, “I do hope we can get this over with fairly quickly.”
“Madam, we can’t rush this if we want to get the best results. One needs to take ones time and as much as I would love to be in and out in 5 minutes or so, I am sure that you would be disappointed with the results.”
“Oh I know all about that she says.”
The photographer starts to open his bag and pulls out his portfolio of baby pictures. “This one was done on the top of a bus in the middle of Adelaide”, as he points to a photo of a cute baby.
“Oh, dear me” she claims, while biting her nails.
“As for these twins, I am surprised how well they turned out considering that the mother was so difficult to work with.”
Mrs Jones looks at the photo and says, “Difficult?”
“Oh, immensely so, I had to take her to a national park to get the job done just right. We had people crowding around four or five deep and there was much pushing and shoving as they all tried to get a good look.”
“Four and five deep?” as she starts to perspire a little.
“Yes indeed, and for more than three hours too. The mother kept screaming and yelling so much I found it very difficult to concentrate. Then it started to get dark and so I had to rush my last few shots, and had to finally pack it all in when the roos started nibble on my equipment.”
Mrs Jones leans over aghast and says, “They were actually nibbling on your equipment?”
“They sure did, but I think we had better get started, so if you just wait there a moment while I get my tripod.”
“You need a tripod? she asks, getting really worried now.
“Oh yes, its absolutely necessary to rest my Canon on. It’s way to big for me to hold while I’m getting ready for action!”
Upon which Mrs. Jones fainted.
I'd love a beer, & that's no bull!
Do you like this post? Click one of the icons below
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
The following email that I received today is definitely a scam and I know that this for a fact because I don’t have an account with them. Shit I’m not even sure that they have an agency in Australia. Just so you know here is the email.
Dear valued Bank of America® member,
Due to a recent high number of fraudulent transactions, we have issued the following security requirements.
It has come to our attention that 98% of all fraudulent transactions are caused by fraudsters using stolen account information to purchase or sell non existant items. Thus we require our members to enroll in our SiteKey security upgrade, as part of our continuing commitment to protect your account and to reduce the instance of fraud on our website. After you submit the requested information, we will create a unique algorithm based on your personal computer, allowing us to recognize you in any future online banking sessions and thus immediately spotting any unauthorized access. By passing back and forth secret information that only you and Bank Of America know, you can feel even more secure with your online banking experience. We recognize you and you recognize us. If you could please take 5-10 minutes out of your online experience and enroll in the SiteKey security upgrade, you will not run into any future problems with the Bank Of America online banking service. However, failure to meet our security requirem ents will result in your account suspension.
We are requesting this information to verify and protect your identity. Federal regulations require all financial institutions to obtain, verify, and record identification from all persons opening new accounts or obtaining ongoing payment services. This is in order to prevent the use of the U.S. banking system in terrorist and other illegal activity. For these reasons, Bank Of America will utilize services provided by various credit reporting agencies to verify the information you submit to us.
Once you have enrolled in our SiteKey security upgrade your pending Bank Of America account transactions will not be interrupted and will continue as normal.
Please enroll in our SiteKey security upgrade by clicking here.
Thank you for your time,
Bank Of America® Security Department.
This email falls in the phishing category and as such should be ignored. A few things that you should keep in mind when you get these sort of emails.
1. It is highly unlikely that any company of note would send an email of this sort. You are more likely to find this information once you have logged on to the legitimate site.
2. The spelling would be a whole lot better.
3. You should NEVER click on the link received from any email you think may be suspect.
Once again this email is total bullshit.
I'd love a beer, & that's no bull!
Do you like this post? Click one of the icons below
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
People who scam others with work at home schemes are probably so successful because there are so many people out there who would like a change of lifestyle. Perhaps they are sick of their jobs or they just want to make that little bit extra to supplement their income. The thing to remember is that they do exist and they suck in a whole lot of new victims every year. Out of the the 30 million Americans that have been affected by fraud ‘work at home schemes’ numbers in the top five!
This CBS News clip tells you how some get sucked in and what to watch out for.
Basically, if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is. I would suggest before parting with any money one should first check the internet to see if the scheme they are interested in is legit or just another scam
I'd love a beer, & that's no bull!
Do you like this post? Click one of the icons below
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
I’ve managed to find this this clipping from Housekeeping Monthly dated 13th May 1955. Now this was a bit beyond my time so I can’t say whether or not these ideas of that era actually worked or not. I do know though that the shit would definitely hit the fan if someone tried to introduce this now. I can just imagine the uproar if Obama or Hillary tried to use this as part of their election platform.
Having said that I must say that this is pretty well the way my mom has lived her life and I have never found her to complain.
If you find this too small to read just click on this link.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist, but perhaps this lovely Rose will make it up to you.
I'd love a beer, & that's no bull!
Do you like this post? Click one of the icons below
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
I have just been the lucky recipient of another scam email which I would like you to read.
As-salam ‘alaykum,
How are you doing? I am HASSAN IBRAHIM a merchant in DUBAI,I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer, It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous,I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know
that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.
Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends.I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul. so,I have decided to give also to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria, India and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.
I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be
contended with what I have left for them.I will want you to help me collect my last deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations which I deposited in security/finance house abroad, which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of (Twenty five Million, Five Hundred Thousand U.S dollars) I have set aside 25% for you, then 5% for any expenses incured.If you are interested, please send your prompt reply to my email address below which you will have to reply to if you will be kind enough to assist me;
Contact email:hassai0001@yahoo.com
May the almighty Allah bless you.
Regards,
Mr.Hassan Ibrahim
Not a bad effort and we can almost forgive the few spelling mistakes as one would presume from the intended origin of the email that it is not his natural tongue. This guy spins a nice yarn including the selection of a fairly terminal disease as Esophageal cancer has a fairly high death rate.
One could almost believe that a multi millionaire who has just discovered he is dying would turn to God in the hope of restitution, which he hopes will be strengthened by large donations to charity. Naturally he can not trust his greedy family and so he has turned to what he hopes is a gullible person on the end of this email.
It amazes me how so many millionaires have to resort to using a yahoo.com email address. Just for fun I looked at the ‘internet headers’ of the email only to find he had sent this particular email to hundreds of other recipients in the hope of finding at least one sucker.
Now I would really like to know how many people who have received this email will actually Google shit that they find in it to see whether or not it is really legit. Were you one of them?
I'd love a beer, & that's no bull!
Do you like this post? Click one of the icons below
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
